Bangkok

We took a flight with Malindo (a pretty decent service for a budget airline, btw) to Bangkok, where we were staying for two nights.  We got a taxi to take us to our hotel, which was deep in the middle of the city.  Our driver was roguishly friendly, trying to entice us into tours of the city that he does in his ‘other’ car. He was also an LFC fan.  I fail at this aspect of international relations in that I don’t follow the football, and this is always the means by which foreigners try to find common ground.  Both halves of the Americas, Oz and NZ, here and no doubt the rest of SE Asia:  they always get excited when they meet a Brit male, because at least we can chunter on about the footie. Nope. I can’t even pretend, because we’d get four words beyond what vagueries I can remember from friends bitching about their teams on Facebook and then my fraudulent facade would crumble.  So I have to find other inanities to kill the silence that the friendlier blokes find unacceptable. 

The hotel was hidden within a warren of alley ways and choked roads, lined with hawkers and street-vendors, before being revealed rather dramatically at the end of a cul-de-sac.

The Thais we’ve met so far have either been the friendliest crowd we’ve met, or do such a good impression of it as to make no difference. I know not to attempt the wai –the bow with the hands in a prayer pose that they do- as it is incredibly nuanced, with all manner of subtleties related to status, age and circumstance.  I don’t need any more ways of upsetting anyone, so I do the awkward Brit nodding smile with unnecessary thank yous sprinkled throughout every sentence of any interaction.

Occasional laziness to one side, we don’t normally eat at the hotel unless there’s nothing else available, but the restaurant here was ridiculously good, with one chef training at the Michelin-starred noma, so we took our evening meals here twice.  There was still plenty of time to make ourselves ill by way of street food in the remainer of our time in the country.

We were in Bangkok, so we made sure to visit the Grand Palace and the Temple of the Emerald Buddha.  One thing we didn’t read or remember was that one must be properly attired to enter these places, so we had to queue for half an hour to get given clothing to cover my obscene bare legs, and Chan's trousers as they were not baggy enough - the slattern.  Thusly made decent, we entered the grounds of the temple and did our best not to do anything sacrilegious.

"I FUCKING LOVE MY JOB!"
"Shut the hell up, Frank"

Not far from the grounds of these buildings is the temple of the reclining Buddha, which those sophisticates in the audience will remember from the Sagat stage of Street Fighter 2.

These particular grounds are special for having a series of ancient engravings in the stone, some describing remedies for abscesses on different body parts as well as some other maladies. Peer-reviewed citation might be needed for some of them.

When we were done there, we got a taxi to the Platinum Fashion Mall, so we could marvel at all the cheap clothing in diminuative Asian sizes. I was in need of T-shirts and Chan was in need of chuddies.

It was six floors of what were essentially market stalls.  One lady did my haggling for me, as I was foolishly going to pay the asking price for a shirt, and she gave me a 30 baht discount, pityingly.

We took a  tuk-tuk ride back to the hotel, for which I did actually go through the motions of haggling, as I know 300 baht (£6) for a ten minute journey is robbery.  I got him down to 150 baht, which was still theft, but it’s hard to get emotional over three quid.  Tuk-tuks are an experience.  The roads there are loud, filthy and dangerous, and all vehicles weave among each other as if tuned in on some organic level that us aliens cannot perceive. But it was enjoyable, even if my lungs won’t forgive me anytime soon.

Kurzfassung auf Deutsch:  Wir flogen nach Thailand, wo wir etwa einen Monat reisen werden. Wir besuchten das Grand Palace und mehrere wichtige Tempel, hatte aber länger Hosen zu tragen da wir unanständig erachteten.