Breakfast in Burma

There were very few details available about getting from Thaton to Mae Sai, but we had at least ascertained that there was at least one scheduled minibus going that way from Fang everyday. Our French host made some calls for us and was told that indeed there was a bus at 1430, stopping at the military police station down the hill.   So, at about two, we said our goodbyes and he gave us a lift down to the stop. After he left us. the chap there in attendance gave the bus firm a call to see where they were and, through his non-existent English and whatever I could get Google Translate to display for me to point at, we discovered that the bus was coming but also full.  Bugger.

I left Chan there with the bags, like a gentleman, and bounded back up that hill to see who, if anyone, the French guy knew with a vehicle who might want money.  He phoned a lady who was plainly his local 'fixer' who got hold of a guy with a minibus.  So, denied the public minibus, we chartered our own.
While I was gone, Chan saw the minibus drive by, absolutely packed and with luggage strapped to its roof.  We later overtook it as the police had pulled everyone out and were going through their things.

So we ended up in Mae Sai, the northernmost town in Thailand, and, to be completely fair to the place, a bit of a shit hole. The hotel was pleasant enough but had an air about it that I would best describe as East German chic.  We looked about for somewhere to eat, somewhat more carefully as this is not a tourist town.  We found a cafe-restaurant down a back-alley which Chantelle had found via comments on Thai Facebook which was renowned for its coffee.  I don't take much persuading.

This is coffee and green tea, which isn't as awful as it sounds.

Mae Sai lives on the border with Myanmar and is connected to the nearest Burmese town, Tachileik, by way of the ''Friendship Bridge" over the river Ruak.  For the life of us, we can't remember why we wanted to come here, but since we were here, we decided to go to Myanmar.

In the morning, we got up early and walked up to the border control.  We'd read all manner of stories about the kerfuffle required to get past the Thai and Burmese authorities, mainly involving leaving your passport with the Thai office and taking a photocopy of it though for their Burmese counterparts to stamp, picking it back up on the way back in.  In reality, we walked across the border, paid the Burmese immigration 500 baht each for a day visa, they stamped our passport and we sauntered on through. No real fuss, but you have go back inside the day and not leave Tachileik.

We wouldn't say Tachileik is the prettiest place on Earth, but it was a change in scenery.

Or else

We got to the other side just in time to catch the morning markets.  They were a wonder of Chinese clothes, counterfeit goods and opportunities for appalling cross-contamination.  The veg looked pretty good though.  While Chan was browsing through some knock-off sunglasses, a bloke came over to sell me cigarettes, or failing that, Viagra.  While I'm positive that it was only the finest product and not amphetamines and blue chalk, I politely declined.

Yep, this is about the right distance from Old Trafford

Seems legit

Chan wanted to do something for the local economy, so she ended up buying some woolly things for our upcoming trip to Bhutan.

I've got nothing to say

Wandering back over was just as simple, we just had to fill out another immigration card to put in our passport.  I did notice that the vehicle traffic congestion over the border was done no favours by the fact that each country drives on opposite sides of the road, meaning that each side had to change over in the middle of the bridge.

Alse these men had a gong.

We then bimbled back to our hotel and, with a lot less hassle than it took getting here, we caught the bus back to Chiang Rai. In fact, as soon as the staff from the hotel dropped us off at the station, a fearsome but slight bus conductor lady was interrogating me as to my intended destination.  We did have several options for our journey but apparently I was getting on her bus.  It was one of those cattle-class sheds I mentioned yesterday.  While I was ascertaining where to put the body bag amongst the piles of household goods and blankets, the bus started reversing out, leaving Chan outside.  She realised her plight and jumped on before we left her on the frontier.  Actually, no she didn't: I had to shout for her to jump on.  The doors remained open throughout.

We were stopped by the police a few times.  They went through everyone's identification papers, checking for illegal workers who've skulked across the border.  They ignored my held out passport as I don't think we ring many of their alarm bells.

Chan told me later that for the whole journey there appeared to be a bucket of fish in jelly behind my seat.  Ho hum.

Kurzfassung auf Deutsch: Wir fuhren (schließlich) nach Mae Sai, die eine gemeinsame Grenze mit Myanmar hat. Es ist ein ziemlich schmutzig Stadt, und unser Hotel erinnerte mich an Ost-Berlin. Wir gingen auf der Freundschaftsbrücke nach Myanmar und wir besuchten die Märkte. Chantelle kaufte eine Wollmütze. Ein Mann hat versucht, mich Viagra zu verkaufen.

On the river Kok

Get all your giggling out of your system now, children.

We took a bus from Chiang Mai to the confusingly similarly-sounding Chiang Rai.  Your options are to take one of the normal scheduled buses, which are about 140 baht (~ £2.80), stop pretty frequently, aren't air-conditioned (they've got desk fans bolted to most surfaces and drive with both sets of doors open instead), and are 48 narrow seats with people and belongings pushed into every available space.

Alternatively you can travel "VIP" on a small coach for 288 baht (just over a fiver) and have reclinable seats, water and a snack, AC, and just an otherwise pleasant journey.  I'll let you guess which way we opted.

We only stayed the night in Chiang Rai, as we were coming back in a couple of days after we'd been to Thaton and Mae Sai.  While we were there though, we organised to get a Thai massage in our room before dinner. A nice lady and her colleague duly came up and beat the shit out of us. Chan still has the marks now.  Thusly wrecked, we went to a local restaurant that did Lanna (northern Thai) cuisine.

The following morning we got a taxi to drop us off the following morning at the boat stop on the river so we could catch the 10:30 service up to Thaton.  There is a 'government', i.e scheduled service to and from Thaton daily.  Alternatively you can charter your own boat privately.  I was guessing we might need to get our own boat because of luggage, even though we were down to one body bag after leaving one in storage in Bangkok.  But they just throw everyone's bags in a pile at the bow, so we got on with everybody else, who turned out to be two French couples.

The boats on the rivers in Thailand are invariably 'long-tail' boats: long banana-shaped canoes powered by car engines driving a propeller directly from the drive-shaft by way of several meters of rod, hence the name.  The driver pivots the whole engine assembly to maneuver the boat.

The boat stops at a handful of resort areas and other places of tourist note, like an elephant camp (Chan is frowning) and hill tribe village (where you can gawp at the long-necked ladies, if you're so inclined). But our crowd were all on for Thaton, as we were.

The seasons in this part of the world are really just wet and dry, and we were there when it was dry and so the river level was relatively low.  This made for some (literally) rocky going and at one point our driver had us get out and walk for half a kilometer as he needed the boat higher in the water to clear some shallows.

We went around one blind corner, just for counterpart boat coming the other direction to outright crash into us, each turning just in time such that we collided side-by-side rather than the other guy running several of us through with his bowsprit, leaving me within hand-shaking distance of an American in the same seat on the other boat.  We said hi.

There were various villagers along the way, socialising and washing by the water or fishing. Everyone smiled and waved at us like the nosy clowns that we were.  The wild pigs and herds of water buffalo weren't quite as interested.

The journey takes 4 hours, which makes for a bit of a numb bum, as you're essentially sat on some padding on the wooden floor.  But it's a very scenic trip, and so much better than getting there by bus.

We arrived in Thaton, said farewell to our fellow travellers and walked the half mile or so to the little resort where we were staying - a hideaway in the hills owned by a retired Frenchman and his Thai wife.

The sun was a touch oppressive by this point, but it didn't seem far enough to trouble a taxi for. A local chap in a pickup pulled over when we were about halfway there, asking if we were going to a place on a leaflet he gestured to.  We said no, we're only walking around the corner.  Then we saw that our destination was about 300m up a 1:4 incline, which was fun in the heat.  So, wheezing and dripping with sweat, we get there only for it to transpire that all of our co-travellers were staying in the same place and the nice bloke with the truck was sent to get them.  Curses.

All of our fellow guests there were French, the owner plainly being a bit of a magnet for his kind here in northern Thailand, forming some weird French enclave in the trees.

We spent the night there and made sure to trek up to the local temple to get the view.

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For posterity, in case anyone is googling for details of the boat trip from Chaing Rai in the Thaton direction, as we were vainly trying to do before we went, here is the cost break-down for the various stops and options as of 9th Feb 2016:

The tickets are sold at the boat station next to the bridge, but not until 10am for a 10:30 launch.  Be there no later than 10:!5 if you want to get a place.

Kurzfassung auf Deutsch: Warten Sie bitte.